Self-Development

Change

I’m one of those weirdos who thrives off of change. It stresses me out but it lights a fire in me every single time. I do NOT like to fail (who does, really?!?), so I will do whatever it takes to make the changes be successful. Does that mean I make changes without anxiety? Without fear? Ha!! I wish!

As this school year comes to a close, I find myself making a major change in my professional life. After 16 years in a classroom, I’m switching to become a reading teacher. As if that wasn’t stressful enough (and trust me, I’ve got ALL the stress there), I’m switching to a different school (eek) and taking my youngest two kids with me (double eek). On the outside, I look calm about it. On the inside, I am a disaster. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could stop pondering my decision-making skills.

I am super excited about the change, don’t get me wrong! I know that I’m going to grow, professionally from the change. I’ve taught kindergarten for the last eleven years. I LOVE it, which makes this move all the more stressful. I have an amazing team, which also makes me stress. I’ve got it pretty good where I’m at. But I’m feeling stagnant. It makes me wonder if I’m feeling ungrateful. I worry about that. But I just am in a rut. Guys, I’ve been leading calendar every single day for eleven years. If I have to say, “What month is it?!?” in a fake excited voice for more than the ten days that we have left, I’m going to poke my eyeballs out! I’ve done this thousands of times in the last eleven years. It’s become exhausting instead of exciting. That’s how I know that I have to change. My great position with great staff, students and families isn’t enough. It’s become too easy to overlook ALL of the good because I’m so used to it. It’s become way too easy to see the tiny little flaws because they’ve become a novelty. I hate that. I don’t want to be that person.

And so, even through the anxiety, the worries and the flat-out fears…SO many fears (Will I be good enough? I don’t want to let anyone down. Will my kids thrive in a new environment? Will they make friends? What if people don’t like me?), I change. I change because I know that’s what I need to benefit myself and everyone around me. And you know what? I’ll make it work. All of those fears will be a giggle to me down the road. This change will start a new chapter in my life that is yet to be titled. I have a feeling it’s going to be beautiful, earth-shattering and life-changing. Bring it on!!

Self-Development

To The One Who Is Always the Fixer…

Have you ever had something happen that is so coincidental it gives you goosebumps? Like, you’ve been hoping, praying and brainstorming about how to fix a problem and can’t find any great answers. Then all of a sudden, something falls in your lap that is completely NOT the direction you were looking at going, but you realize is probably the perfect solution?

I’m such a “fixer”, that this hasn’t happened very often in my life. I like change and sometimes I crave it, so I’m not scared to quickly change things, situations, schedules to try to fix problems. At this very moment, I’m actually wondering if I’ve sabotaged myself from opportunities simply by always trying to fix things myself. I’m so quick to jump in and come up with solutions that maybe I’ve missed out on things bigger than what I could ever dream up.

Recently I’ve been struggling to find some answers or solutions to a pretty major dilemma in my life. I’ve been scrambling to make it better. I’ve changed schedules, changed ways that I approach it, willed myself to change my attitude, tried things I’ve done in the past to make it better, made adjustments big and small…but nothing has really gotten to the root of the problem. It’s all been band-aids. Honestly, recently, I accepted the fact that I was pretty much out of ideas. I was disheartened and defeated. I just tried to make myself content and accept the things that I can’t change. I stopped fixing. I finally shut up and listened to the silence. I accepted that I am not the be all, end all. I have a cute sign hanging in my house that says, “Be still” and yet, I didn’t. Clearly I ignored my own advice. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever truly understood the meaning of that phrase. Until now.

In my silence, an answer to the struggles came flying at me. Literally right in my face. It came at a time where I just didn’t see how things would ever get better. It came in a way that is impossible for me to ignore. It is 100% not at all where I was looking for an answer. It doesn’t fit with what I thought my own plan was. But after I’ve sat and thought about it, I’ve realized that it doesn’t FIT my plan…but it’s better! There are still so many details to figure out and it is still just a hypothetical thing. But I see a plan forming right in front of a me. A plan that is better than anything I could have come up with myself. A plan that I didn’t have to struggle to come up with. A plan that doesn’t have to drain me of energy to try to make it happen. Even if it doesn’t come to fruition, I don’t care. I’ve learned something. It’s good to be proactive. It’s good to try to help yourself. It is! But sometimes it’s good to be silent. It’s good to listen. Listen to things you can’t hear and see at first. Trust that sometimes things need to happen that are bigger than yourself. If you are struggling with something, if you’re the person that’s a “fixer” and you’re trying to find an answer. Just stop. Be patient. Pray…however that looks for you. Be still. And when you feel a nudge, listen. Don’t ignore it because it doesn’t fit what you were planning. It might be bigger than you. It might be exactly what you didn’t even know you needed. Stop fixing and listen.